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Who: Leo and Donnie
What: after fighting off the pirates, Leo experiences a bad day, and gets Donnie to help.
When: Day 75
Where: Leo's room

After everything that happened, Leo isn't even really that surprised when he feels the telltale pain and exhaustion creeping into his bones. After all, it was a really taxing day, both physically and emotionally.

Not that he's happy about it, or anything. He was hoping this wouldn't happen for awhile longer. But he supposes his body was due for a crashout any day now; the pirate attack just helped it along.

He rolls over in his bed, and even that's hard. It's like all the energy has been completely sapped out of him. Every movement feels like a massive chore, and he knows he isn't going to be able to do much today. Hopefully nothing else attacks.

At the very least, he doesn't feel the dark depression that sometimes comes along with days like this. He does feel a sort of nostalgic wistfulness, though unbeknownst to him, it's the ship (or the nebula they're passing through?) making him feel that way. Otherwise, there's just the general resignation that his body can only do so much, and sometimes he has to take his lumps and rest.

And usually this is the point where he'd call in reinforcements, but...

It strikes him for the first time how truly alone he is. His family is so far away, and they can't come help him if he needs it. He's totally on his own, for the first time ever.

Except, not really. There's one member of his family here with him... even if he has no idea the extent to which Leo needs his help.

Still, there's no one on this ship Leo feels comfortable turning to. It has to be the one and only.

So with whatever small energy reserves he has left, he pulls his hand closer and sluggishly taps at the bangle until he can send a message to Donnie.

come to my room

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Donnie was exhausted in different ways, but then that's what happens when you're handling the brunt of your own ninpō usage. The only upside was that it had left him too tired to remember to spiral on the concept that perhaps this universe mirrored the one he'd been in, in ways he really wouldn't want it to.

He can't even remember how he'd gotten to his room after they'd managed to drive off the pirates, or how long he'd been passed out thereafter (or had it been before?), but the buzzing of his bangle has him lift his head, if only after the insistent nudging of his mimic.

It only takes him a moment to push himself up once he sees who the message is from. He grabs his bag and Illex, pulling his goggles over his head as he stumbles out the door.

It's not long before he comes to Leo's room, inwardly scolding himself for not having asked his brother if he wanted to stay together, but there's nothing to be done for that at the moment.

"Leo?" he calls, knocking before he checks if it's unlocked to enter.

Even if he'd asked, at the time Leo would have insisted he'd be fine. And obviously that would be a foolish assertion in hindsight.

He'll figure out that it would be better to be closer to Donnie soon enough.

But right now, in the present, the door is indeed unlocked; Leo isn't in any habit of locking it. The room is dark, other than a few soft ambient lights in the floor, and the blue of Shelldon's LED screen as he hovers near Leo's bed.

Leo himself shifts at Donnie's entrance, barely able to lift his head to properly look. But he knows exactly who it is, so he's not startled.

"Hey," he mutters, his voice struggling to get louder than a croak. "Thanks for coming."

Wow, Leo sounds terrible. Donnie's glad what scant lighting there is can hide the grimace, and he can only imagine he doesn't look so great himself. He feels like he's been woken up from after pulling several all-nighters, at least.

"Hey," he says back, closing the door after him. "Oh yeah, no problem- uh. Should I get the lights?" he asks, pausing before he can drift too far from where the controls for that are.

"What do you need?"

Leo will feel bad about that later; maybe they can take a nap together.

But for now, he focuses on the question. It's... kinda hard to focus on the question, actually. Man, his legs hurt...

"Um... yeah, okay." The lights won't hurt his eyes or anything; Leo just doesn't have a strong feeling about it. Probably for the best if Donnie can see what he's doing, though.

"Painkillers... uh... Shelly, can you send him the dosage?"

Shelldon has no doubt already sent Donnie everything he needs as far as Leo's medicines go, but Leo doesn't remember that right now.

"Got it," Donnie nods. He hadn't been sure that Leo might have any sensory issues but he can't help but think of his talk with Day. With the confirmation, he taps the light switch.

"I got that too," he says, shifting the purple pillow that he's got under an arm as he starts over to where Leo is. He stoops beside the bed, setting the mimic there beside Leo so he can dig around in his bag for the kit he'd put together. It had been with the intention of in case of an emergency, but he just hadn't known what an emergency would look like. All the same, he's glad he'd put it in his bag to have on hand so he won't have to run around for things. He can probably go through whatever they'd gotten together for Leo that's in his room, but right now, this is quicker.

His hands are a bit shaky, from being tired, from being nervous? Who knows- a cocktail of both, probably. Letting out a breath, Donnie forces himself to focus, double and triple-checking that the dosage is correct.

"All right..." he says once it's ready.

Leo shifts around on his pillows so he's raised up where he can take medicine. He stares at in Donnie's hand for a very long moment, like he's not sure what he's supposed to do with it.

Then his brain restarts, and he takes it from Donnie in his own shaky hand and swallows the pills in one dry gulp.

Then he flops back immediately again. He hopes those start working fast...

"...Not really s'posed to take 'em on an empty stomach," he muses to the room at large. He probably should have brought that up first, but the idea of waiting for food to get here before taking them had been too much.

He probably won't get sick. Probably.

That's worrying. Donnie watched every move, looks closely at Leo's face until he finally takes the pills. He winces, keeping from applying a hand to his own face so he can dig through his bag.

The pillow rumbles beside Leo, scooching closer towards him once he flops back down.

"Would've been nice to know that beforehand. Here," Donnie says as he pulls out a candy bar and his water bottle.

Did that pillow just... move?

No, he's probably just so tired he's seeing things.

"Sorry." Leo chuckles. "I'm used to you knowing everything. You're the one who told me all this the first time."

And the third time and fifth time and every other time he forgot.

His eyes land on the candy bar and water bottle.

"You're gonna have to open those," he says, and feels the flush of embarrassment that comes with it.

Donnie sighs a laugh, shaking his head. "Well, now you can be the know-it-all and explain things under the assumption that I don't know as much as I should, except in this case it's slightly true."

He says nothing to the admission, setting the water bottle on the floor so he can tear open the candy bar. "Can you sit up again?" he asks as he steps closer, ready to help with that. The last thing he needs is Leo choking trying to eat something.

Leo sits up again, though it takes him a moment, mostly wiggling his way up until he's propped on his pillows. Once he's there, he holds out a hand for the candy bar.

"I... was hoping it'd take a little longer for this to happen," he admits.

Waiting until Leo's got himself situated, Donnie hands over the candy bar before picking the water bottle back up. He settles at the edge of the bed, frowning as he unscrews the cap.

"That's not exactly a great thing to hear, you know. I know you'd rather it not happen, but hoping doesn't guarantee such things." He sighs again, but there's no laugh this time.

"So tell me what exactly is happening so I don't feel useless. Please."

Leo takes a few bites of the candy bar first, frowning down at his lap. Of course he needs to tell Donnie everything, and it's not really like he was hiding it. It's just... depressing.

"A bad day. That's what's happening."

That's all they ever called it.

"...Chronic pain, fatigue, muscle spasms, tremors... Pain in my joints impeding my fine motor skills." Leo nods at the bottle Donnie just opened. "Fatigue makes it hard to think and remember things. Plus I have some lingering brain fog because the Dark Armor damaged my brain, too.

"The pain and fatigue are always there. But it goes up and down." He waves one hand as a visual. "Sometimes... even for a few weeks... I might be pretty okay. I can take walks and move around the lair without my wheels. I even glided around on my skateboard, a few times."

Though with heavy safety precautions; his brothers had been so worried.

"And then other times... it goes waaay up." He raises his hand up above his head, then winces and immediately drops it again. "And then it's like... the first few weeks all over again. Too hard to move. Need everyone to help me with basic stuff." He grits his teeth. "And sometimes I get... gloomy."

A pause, while he takes another bite of candy.

"...Which is just Mikey's cute way of saying I probably have depression. But it's not like we ever got a shrink to say so, sooo... you can't prove it."

So there!

A bad day. That seems so typical of them. It doesn't even begin to suggest just how bad a bad day is, and the more Leo goes over the details, the lower Donnie's head sinks between his shoulders.

Of course there's going to be more than just being mostly wheelchair-bound. He remembers how bad Draxum had looked when he'd been literally spat out of that armor, shriveled up to nearly a husk of what he had been. The thought of Leo going through that, possibly looking just as bad, seizes him tightly.

No, focus.

Ups and downs, with no real reason for it? No, Donnie supposes it makes sense to fluctuate so. Organic bodies are difficult to maintain. Certainly medical methods have improved greatly over the years, but there's still no simple way to replace damaged organs and nerves, no easy solution to fix a badly abused body.

"...shrinks just make problems worse anyway," is what he ends up saying, spoken like someone who's actually had the experience.

"But it sounds like you've been through enough of them, not that it needs to be a lot to have had enough. Have you narrowed down what might set it off? ...stress?" he suggests, because Leo had been fine until the whole pirate ordeal. No one had expected that.

There's definitely a story there. Leo wonders if he should prod at it, or if that's a sore spot.

At the question, Leo nods.

"Stress, too much moving around, pressure fronts, the common cold... It doesn't take much to knock me on my butt."

And oh, he wishes he'd had enough already. But there's a pause, and then he looks at Donnie seriously.

"Dee, you get that... that this is permanent, right?" He waves at himself. "I might get a little stronger, but there's no fixing this. And that means there's always gonna be bad days."

Donnie doesn't realize he's internally braced himself for questions until Leo moves along with the conversation. His shoulders relax a little at that, and he holds out the water bottle in case his brother wants a drink.

So virtually anything could push a bad day. That's...not exactly great. Maybe his concerns weren't completely unfounded after all.

He quietly meets Leo's look, brow knitting, but he nods slowly.

"I... Yeah." He looks down, hand reaching out to...pat the pillow beside Leo? "I think I just didn't want to admit it to myself. Was hoping otherwise. You know?"

Because those are choice words, and he hates to be told that it isn't something he can fix. It's....not fair.

Okay, he definitely caught that. What shrink hurt his brother?

He takes the bottle and takes a few drinks with his shaky hand. Then he hands it back, mostly so he won't spill it.

"I get it," he says, quietly, because he'd give almost anything for it to be otherwise. But it's not. "Back home... we both had a really hard time accepting it. So it's not a surprise."

Donnie had tried to fix it; Leo had run away. They had collided in the worst way, and their relationship had gotten so rocky for awhile. It was easily the worst time of Leo's life, and he doesn't want to go back.

"It's gonna feel like giving up at first. It felt like that for me, too. But it's really not, Dee." He reaches out a hand for Donnie to take, if he wants it. "It's... adapting."

Hearing the truth hurts. Being told that there's sometimes nothing you can do to change the outcome no matter how hard you try is difficult to accept.

It had upset Donnie, speaking to Rung then about such things. He'd spiraled bad and worried Mikey. He only dimly remembers the session, but hearing all this now stirs up the embers he'd thought forgotten and cold.

He takes the water back, swallowing as he tries to push those memories away. Slowly, he lifts his gaze at Leo's movement, looking at the hand that's offered. His free hand reaches out, clasping it, almost too tightly at first, but oh does he want it. This connection. This anchor. This reassurance.

It's hard when acceptance goes so strongly against anything he's ever stood for, possessed by that mad desire to make things better for his family, to improve and keep improving. Adapting isn't quite the same, is it? It's working with a situation, conforming to it rather than changing it so it's no longer an issue.

"Okay..." he says quietly, shaky, but Leo knows better than him, has been...adapting far longer than he has had the chance to.

There's a fear Leo has, too: that if Donnie tries too hard to fix him, and fails, will he give up on Leo? What if his resentment for a problem that he can't solve turns into a hatred for Leo himself?

It's probably irrational to think that way, but Leo's thoughts aren't always rational. Especially since the Dark Armor. What if they get sick of taking care of him, and leave?

At least Donnie is here right now, holding his hand. Leo wraps his own fingers around him, though he can't put much strength in the grip.

"...And hey," he says softly. "I know I can't hold a candle to the Leo you've got waitin' for you, but... I've been working really hard to be useful to you guys. So you don't have to worry."

Mikey would hate hearing him talk about himself like this... but Mikey isn't here.

Donnie would never, because the failings would surely be on his own end. It scares him though, to have to acknowledge that there are some things he can't and won't be able to fix. His thoughts go back to Anemone, and all the times she's put their relationship through the wringer. Her wants aren't wrong, but her methods...

He blinks, shaking his head at at what Leo says then.

"Don't you ever say that!" Mikey doesn't have to be here to say anything. Donnie feels strongly enough on the matter.

"The Leo I left kept trying to pretend nothing was wrong, kept having to shoulder so many things. I think I've been more trouble for him and Mikey than useful..."

The shout makes Leo nearly jump out of his skin, tilting his head to better look at Donnie in surprise. Although maybe he should have expected it... he got a little too gloomy again.

Leo shouldering things and pretending nothing's wrong does sound familiar, just in case Leo needed any more confirmation that he and that other guy are too much alike. For once he's not totally bristling at the mention of him, though. He's more concerned about what else Donnie just said.

"...Okay, but the other day you were telling me how you saved everyone from drowning, so I know that isn't true." Or was it that they were getting burned by acid? Whatever, he just remembers that it was bad!

"I don't know... what all has happened to you. What happened to that cockiness you've had since we were kids." He gives Donnie's shoulder a light bump, squishing that weird pillow between them. "I don't know what all you think you've failed at, or who made you hate therapy so much."

Because yeah, he caught that.

"But I know there's no way that any version of me thinks you're more trouble than useful. And definitely no version of Mikey that does."

He is not nearly rested up enough to have this conversation. It's so much harder keeping up the walls, and the adrenaline spike from receiving Leo's message is already petering out now that the crisis has been taken care of.

Donnie winces at the mention about therapy. He sets the water bottle down on the floor, if only so he can lean a bit easier without having to worry about getting water all over Leo's bed. The pillow between them sounds like it's purring.

"...I don't know. Sometimes it's still there, and other times..." He shrugs. It's been hard remembering where his baseline should be. The universe seemed to like stretching him one way then the other, and he'd thought that at least maybe by now he was closer to what he used to be. And then everything got turned upside-down again. New things to acclimate to, a new universe full of potentially familiar things, and a familiar brother with new things to learn about.

He's just so tired.

"...maybe not. But I don't like what I've put them through. I'm trying not to be a burden anymore. So I want to be useful to you. Please let me do that much."

It hits hard, right in the part of Leo that is worried about being a burden, himself. He knows how Donnie feels, maybe exactly how he feels, with regards to being useful at the very least.

He still thinks, no matter what Donnie has "put them through", the other versions of himself and Mikey wouldn't agree with Donnie here. But he also knows arguing about it more won't get them anywhere.

So he just sighs, and leans his head on Donnie's shoulder. All this talking is starting to wear him out.

"Hey, I'm fine letting you help me." Really, he has no choice. "Actually, I'll... probably have to rely on you more than you're used to. So thanks in advance."

(Hey, is that pillow purring?)

Donnie lets him, doing his best to keep sitting upright.

He knows his other version brothers wouldn't agree with him either, but he doubts they'd ever admit how hard it's been. He knows how much he's put Mikey through. They'd cried together so many times, far more than he cares for.

"I'll do my best," he promises.

He starts leaning a little more against Leo, for all that he's trying not to, but it's getting harder and harder to keep his eyes open. Between them, the pillow actually squirms a bit so it's not as squished but still comfortably settled. Donnie smiles faintly, dropping his other hand over Illex to pet it.

Hopefully his best will include getting Leo some actual food that isn't a candy bar at some point today. But Leo doesn't mention that yet.

Leo watches Donnie pet the pillow, which definitely just moved. He can't keep blaming it on his mind playing tricks on him at this point.

"...What's going on with this?" he asks, giving it a little knock with his knuckles.

He'd be glad to do so! If he can wake up. It might help if Leo mentions, because otherwise Donnie might just pass out again.

"Hm? Oh, that's Illex," he says, bringing his hand up to yawn.

The pillow makes a noise, lifting one end to butt Leo's hand back.

"'s my mimic..."

A mimic? Huh. Leo doesn’t have the energy to ask follow up questions about that, so he just accepts it. A living pillow. Sure.

But maybe he should bring it up now, because Donnie is yawning on him. Leo cringes a little, not wanting to do this because he knows Donnie wants to sleep. But he doesn’t think Donnie has grasped yet what a bad day really is.

And he doesn’t want to throw up his pain meds in half an hour, so he has to say something.

“Uh, hold on.” He gives a nervous little chuckle. “You can’t nap yet, I still need to eat breakfast.” He glances around; wasn’t there water here, a second ago…? “And something to drink. And at some point you’ll have to help me out of this bed so I can go to the bathroom and stuff.”

A heating pad and a muscle massage would be great, too, but Leo doesn’t want to barrage Donnie with requests.

"Huh?"

Donnie jerks his head up, wincing. "Crap, sorry. Think I overdid it with the pirates. He shakes his head, rubbing at his eyes.

"Food, got it. I can leave the water with you. I'll...go grab some things."

Uggh he doesn't want to get up, but he knows if he doesn't now, he will probably pass out. He'll pass out later. But he can't, Leo needs him.

Slowly he turns to set his feet on the floor again, groaning as he gets up and stretches out his back. He picks up Illex to set in Leo's lap.

"Breakfast, more to drink, what else will you need?" he asks. He needs to stop by his room too, so he'd rather make as few trips back out as possible.

Leo winces in sympathy, watching Donnie get up. Back home it wasn't just Donnie; his family members traded off who was on Leo Duty (not that they called it that, but Leo sure did). If Donnie was tired, he could just ask Raph or Mikey or Dad to do it, instead.

Leo wishes he had someone else he could ask, but the thought of asking any of the others here makes him shiver. Sure, most of them seem cool, but he hasn't gotten to know anyone well enough to let them in when he feels like this.

Leo's never been the type to be vulnerable. It just doesn't come naturally to him.

"Nothing, that's fine," he says quickly in response to Donnie's question, but before he can say anything else, Shelldon picks this moment to intervene, flying up from where he was nestling in a chair on the other side of the room.

"He could probably use a heating pad. If you don't got one, you can put rice in a sock or cloth bag and warm it for a couple minutes in a microwave," he explains helpfully. "And be sure you get him food he can eat with his hands because he probably can't use any utensils. Oh, and he has a hard time brushing his teeth, but he hates the way his breath smells, so bring him mouth wash or some gum."

Leo's face flushes, and he buries it in the sentient pillow.

"Snitch," he grumbles.

Tired as he is, he can still manage a crooked smile at Shelldon's input.

"I wouldn't call it snitching. He's helping you by helping me so I know how to help you. Anyways, good. I'd rather grab everything while I'm already out."

Donnie stretches his arms over his head before stifling another yawn. He then leans over to pick up the water bottle, pausing just before he hands it to Leo.

"Illex, can you please help hold this for him? Maybe I should get a nightstand in here while I'm at it..."

The pillow makes some sort of churring noise before morphing into something with a round slot that Donnie sets the water bottle into, offering the mimic a quick scratch. "Very good."

Looking back at Leo, he makes a quick update on his computer to note the things listed by his brother and Shelldon.

"Anything else before I step out? Otherwise I will try to be as quick as I can about it, so if you need me to help with something before I do so, speak now or forever hold your peace."

Oh wow, so it can even do that. Leo gives it a tired smile.

"Thanks, Illex."

He settles back on his own, non-sentient pillow, letting his eyes drift closed.

"No, that's all. Thanks, Dee."

Donnie nods, smiling faintly as Leo relaxes.

"All right. Be back as soon as I can," he promises, turning to head for the door.

He's going to cart over his coffee maker to help him stay awake if he's going to be tending to Leo. Grab some scrap pieces to transmute into a heating pad and whatever else...

Right, finger food... Sandwiches? Pizza! Oh he's so glad the stupid replicators have at least been functioning--

....or not. Tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches? Alas, he's too tired to shoot the thing, and a grilled cheese is still something Leo can hold. Donnie will help him with the soup. And there's cookies. No one can ever complain about cookies. ...he might sneak one though because he hasn't really eaten anything himself since...

...

.....

He'll remember sooner or later.

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